Radio Silence: Oh, Snap, I Still Have This Blog – Also: Manners, Part 3

As much as Dad belittles my busyness – for example, when I come home, exhausted, his words are: “WELCOME TO THE ADULT WORLD” – I am currently juggling many responsibilities (yes, I know that this will be my adult life times a million with a “real” job and kids etc. etc. etc.). I am quite busy either commuting to an internship or work or commuting to school or doing homework. As of today, I have two internships, work, and school. I’m actually trying to get a second job, too, so I can stop crying when there’s too much week at the end of my money. Yeah, so I’m a little busy (DAD). Okay, I’m not half-of-a-century old and half-centaur, but I can still be busy and tired EVEN at 22, Pops.

Every night this week I have gone to bed before 8pm. 8PM?? WHO AM I?? I also get up before 6am everyday which is against the very nature of my being and reason for existence. I am a creature of the night. Luckily, when I wake up in the morning, it’s so dark outside that it’s practically night still – so I have that to comfort me.

I am the night!!

Anyway, I guess this a little PSA so you guys know I didn’t fall off the face of the planet into some wormhole where blog updates don’t occur: this week was Week 1 of the  Four Months of Hell. This week was also my I-need-to-figure-out-when-I-will-do-things-like-sleep-and-eat week. So, I’ve figured that out. Now that I know my schedule, I’ll be working on getting the blog back into a daily-update schedule to replace the current lackadaisical posting schedule I have now. After these Four Months of Hell, I will be done with undergrad, done with one of my internships, and done with pre-dawn wake-ups. And then, like a caterpillar breaking out of its cocoon, I will rise; not as a lowly peon, but as a great leader of my people. AT DAWN WE RIDE!!! Oh wait, not dawn. Like, 10am? That works for you guys, right?

Okay, so that boring crap is over now. Let’s go back to funny. I wanted to finally finished the third installment from the manners book where I lovingly recap the section titled: “A Single Person’s Options are Extensive.”

Read Part 1 and Part 2 here and here.

So, here goes:

11. Rediscover your talents in the performing and creating arts. Take up your career in singing again, go back to art classes, or re-enroll in ballet school. 

12. Fix up your home environment. If your home is badly in need of a total redecoration and you can’t afford it, then redesign certain elements, which will make the interior look fresh, warm, and inviting.

13. 13. Entertain. Do it well, often, and imaginatively. 

14. Buy a pet. The right one will become your best friend and provide company at all times, as well as make living noises to break the stillness at home. 

15. Remember the house of worship of your choice.

- Daughter

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Sociopath?

Watch me be the new Norman Bates on HuffPost Live!

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/a-little-white-lie/51341b182b8c2a536b000254

I had to defend lying today via HuffPost Live and I think I maybe succeeded? Or at least, that’s what I’ll tell myself so I can sleep tonight.

Not that I will sleep tonight anyway because kittens will probably run across my face at some point. They see my face as one of those little Zen gardens and their claws as the little rakes. So when they scratch me, really, they are just trying to restore order in the universe. What wise kittens.

In other news, spring break is next week! I’d like to pretend that I’m going on some fabulous trip but really, I’m just going to be in the fetal position, crying about my thesis, and not going anywhere – literally and figuratively. I feel like I’ve come down with a raging case of snow blindness from staring at the white pages of all these books and unfortunately, there are 5490523094583209 books to go through still. I might just write the words “snow blindness” on a piece of paper and turn it in in lieu of my thesis because I’m post-modern like that.

It also doesn’t help matters that the images I’m analyzing feature Lindsay Lohan. Can you think of a less motivational figure to want to analyze in photographs? I sure can’t. I don’t regret this thesis topic at all.

- Daughter

 

 

Old(er) People’s Writing Habits: Observations

Since my dad and mom were first introduced to the internet back when there was that terrifying alien mating call that dial-up made, they have been sprinting after technology but never quite getting to the finish line (the finish line being technological literacy). To be fair, Dad is the one who knows his way around a computer. It’s more my Mom who has the problems, which she will vehemently deny while asking me how to turn on the computer. I bought a book for so she would know how to use Facebook for her birthday. (I’m going to have to do a book review on that sometime.) She’s way better now than she used to be, she even has an iPad that she pretends to know how to use! Just kidding, my little sister taught her how to use it.

Anyway, here are a few things I’ve noticed old(er) people use in their writing:

Ellipses ……………
They love them. They eat them for breakfast. They’re married to them. Seriously, for every title my father writes, there is a 75% chance an ellipsis will sneak its way in there.

My dad’s posts featuring ellipsis marks:

When is Enough Enough? Probably Best Not to Answer. . . .

San Diego — We Have a Problem. . . . Probably Not

What I Didn’t Accomplish in 2012 and Other Random Thoughts. . . .

Wow! It’s a Little Nativity Scene. . . .

Has It Really Come To This? Really? Please. . . .

Cars Cannot Fly . . . .

For reference, I have only ONE blog post title with an ellipsis: Pale is the New…Nope. So, I win.. or something.

My mom likes to ellipsis the heck out of everything as well. These are some pearls she’s left on my Facebook wall:

“………….ahhhh michelle,,,,,,,,,,,,,,” <<<< Notice that she used commas on the second half because she thinks of herself as the e.e. cummings of Facebook, or she just wasn’t wearing her reading glasses.

“My shelly………” <<<< Don’t leave me hanging, Mom!

“Miss u………moved all my books and paraphernalia back into your room :)” <<<<  Translation: “I miss you, your room is now the main storage facility for all of my things. <3″

Capital Letters
My dad loves a good CAPS lock button. I’ve noticed that his handwriting often veers into PERMA-YELLING with caps too. I actually had to instruct him not to write the titles of his blog posts in all CAPS because, who writes in all CAPS all the time, Dad? It’s the internet, you don’t have to yell. Use your inside voice.

Weird Emoticons
My mom dreams up these fantasy creatures from the interwebs that no self-respecting tween would ever come up with.

Samples: 

:>}

:>(

:>)

: > )

Despite all of this, I love them. Even when I’m explaining for the millionth time how to upload photos.

- Daughter

 

 

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