Much to the dismay of my parents, I shattered the glass on my phone on Saturday night. Not on purpose as they seem to insinuate constantly, rather, it dropped out of my wallet case and straight, face-down onto hard concrete.
I am a widow of an iPhone 3. I feel bad that I’m already secretly looking forward to getting some hotter, younger thing but I totally am. I’m like the Mrs. Robinson of smartphones. Except I’m not. I’m still very sad that I broke my old phone. It’s gone through three years of college with me and I successfully kept it intact all those years.
My phone didn’t have a name but I am calling it Geronimo retroactively because of its fondness for free-falling from very high heights. It also makes me feel better when I think that my little phone yelled “GERONIMO” as it fell instead of falling terrified and silent to its demise. I totally dropped the proverbial ball – and the proverbial phone – on this one.
This is how my phone broke in case you ever want to commit first degree phoneslaughter.
1) Have fun in a place with a lot of concrete and hard surfaces. Check.
2) Make sure your phone is unsecured in the wallet case it is housed in so that when you open it, it will fly out in a demonic fashion. Check.
3) Open your wallet case to retrieve your ID and ideally, do this in a way that ensures your phone will fall face-down into the cold embrace of the street whose love is so great for your phone that it will shatter its very being. Check.
4) Do not immediately look at the damage but rather, look at the nice, uncracked side of your phone. Check.
5) Pick up your phone and cry a little bit. And by a little bit, I mean, A LOT. Check.
6) Congratulations, you broke your phone! Now rethink your entire life and sit and meditate on the materialism of the world. After this meditation, go out and spend most of your paycheck on a new phone and vow to never ever ever ever take the case off ever. Check. Well, that’s in progress.