I Got into a Fender Bender! Rhyming Makes Car Accidents Better!

On Sunday, I was a passenger in a car that was rolling (no gas, nothing – no, Dad, not me driving and not your truck) when a car backed right into it. The other driver immediately got out of her car and started yelling because she thought we were speeding. I’ll admit, the car had four college students in it so it probably didn’t look good. But honestly, we were innocent!! And not Lindsay Lohan “innocent.” Like, for real innocent.

I was ready for a rumble because this lady was being verbally aggressive so I got out of the car with my roommate and went up to her. I had no weapons beyond my hands but I knew that the time had finally come to settle this the only way I knew how: through dance.

However, my strategy changed quickly. When I saw her up close, I knew dance would be no match for this foe. I was confused by her but also hypnotized. She was wearing a shockingly blue polyester jumpsuit with a gold chain across the midsection. She also had a serious case of what I like to call “looney eyes.” I could just tell this lady was a bit of a kook. And man, I was right.

She started the interaction by pointing out the various spots on her car that had body work because she had gotten into other accidents. Clearly, she was no stranger to crashing into things.

Immediately, I thought to myself: Wow, so this lady should not even be on the road. She literally cannot drive without hitting other objects. I mean, I don’t blame her. If I were her, I would be distracted by the amazing tragedy and comedy that is the jumpsuit she is currently wearing. 

 I was pretty sure this lady was living in a blue-jumpsuited fantasyland where the accident wasn’t her fault but she surprised me and apologized. My friend’s poor car suffered some scrapes and dents but luckily because we were going at a breakneck speed of negative four miles-per-hour, all passengers survived and went on to win the Nobel Prize etc. etc.

However, this lady kept saying we were in her blind spot despite admitting the accident was due to her negligence and general inability to operate a motor vehicle. Now, let me explain something to you. She was backing out of a parking space and clearly, the only way we could have been in her “blind spot” is if she wasn’t looking at all behind her and was focusing on what was lying directly ahead of her. Yeah, she was blind. BY CHOICE.

You are not Stevie Wonder. Stop trying.

- Daughter

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